


Star Crossed

by drink24get



Series: Stony Bingo Challange [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attack, Steve is a good boyfriend, Stony Bingo, Stony Bingo 2017, Tony Needs a Hug, constellation myths, constellation stories, lots of fluff and comfort, stargazing (obviously)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-12 19:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drink24get/pseuds/drink24get
Summary: "Steve knew he was walking a precarious line. On one hand, he could be helping Tony to take a positive step in a direction to help him recover a lost comfort. But on the other, he could just be sending Tony deeper into his paranoia and adding yet another string of psychological scars to Tony’s already heartbreakingly notable collection.No pressure."ORTony lost something in the wake of the Chitauri Invasion. Something Steve wants to help him get back.Unfortunately it means Tony will have to face a fear that has dug itself deep into his psyche, and Steve can only hope that he will be enough to pull Tony through to the other side.ORSteve takes Tony stargazing.It doesn't go so well.Then again, maybe it does.





	1. Won't Let You Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Stony Bingo Prompt: Walk the Line (it's a very loose interpretation.....bonus points for those who can find the one mention of it ^^)
> 
> A thousand and one THANK YOUs to my awesome beta for this story, themthere_taterthings, who has really helped me stay motivated and true to the characters, so thank you soooo much!!
> 
> The second chapter is mostly (90%?) written. I'm hoping to get it out in a week.

“Just keep in mind that if I trip and break my neck out here, there isn’t anyone else who can catch your ass when you decide to jump out of every fucking tall building you can find,” Tony complained as he walked, each step as blind and tentative as the last. “I mean I guess there’s Thor. But let’s face it, we all know he gets way too excited playing whack-a-mole with the bad guys to pay us any kind of attention.”

Steve chuckled with a shake of his head. “You won’t trip.”

Tony’s response was to get his foot caught on a rock – or what he assumed was a rock. The only reason he didn’t go sprawling face first into the dirt was Steve’s enhanced reflexes bracing his arms around Tony before either of them had even registered he’d moved. “You were saying?” Tony bit out as he regained his footing.

“Fine, but you know I’d never let you fall.”

And how was Tony supposed to argue when Steve used such sap-tastic ammo against him? He had never considered himself a particularly sentimental person, most especially in regards to relationships, but when Steve went and said things like that, how was he not expected to feel his chest swell with all things good and warm and terrifyingly idealistic?

They resumed their previous actions of Tony cautiously stepping forward with his hands outstretched, both of which were gently but firmly grasped in both of Steve’s who was guiding him through wherever the hell they were.

“Yeah, well. If you’d give up whatever idea you have in that scheming head of yours and let me take this damn thing off,” Tony made a vague gesture toward the fabric covering his eyes, “we wouldn’t have to worry about all that, now would we?”

“Just a bit further,” Steve appeased with a smile, though he was more than grateful that Tony couldn’t see just how shaky and nervous he knew it was.

Because for as confident as he was trying to sound for Tony’s sake, Steve was more than a little terrified that this evening he’d been planning over the last three weeks (though, the last few days of that was really more spent psyching himself up to actually go through with it…also, checking and double checking the weather) was going to backfire and combust in an epic display.

He took very little comfort in the knowledge that if it did end in a grand failure, he could maybe spin it in a way that he could blame it all on Rhodey.

Four weeks earlier, the Avengers had been basking in a blissful evening off from heroism and were enjoying the cool evening breeze when Rhodey just had to open his big mouth and reveal to Steve exactly why Tony had a tendency to migrate indoors whenever he found himself outside, though only under the cover of night.

Steve had felt like an absolute heel when Rhodey had had to painstakingly spell it out for him, something that should have been – and was, now that he objectively looked back, god he was an idiot – exceedingly obvious.

Tony was afraid to look up at the stars.

And with a perfectly valid reason. After using up the very last of his battery-powered heart – “That’s not how it works, Steve, my heart is perfectly ‘me’ powered,” he heard Tony’s echo reiterating for the hundredth time, but when Steve had seen the reactor dark and silent as Tony laid motionless in the middle of the buckled and thoroughly wrecked street, that had been exactly how it had felt – to carry a nuclear missile through a magic portal into an alien universe to save the planet and the billions of souls on it, any sane person would have a high probability of gaining a phobia or two.

And Steve probably would have been perfectly able to support Tony in this by keeping him as far from the night sky and as distracted as possible whenever needed, until…

“He used to, though. Look at them, I mean. It wasn’t too terribly often. I could probably count the number of times I’ve seen him do it on both hands, and it definitely happened more in California than here. But often enough for it to be a damn shame that he can’t anymore. Because I cannot think of any time I’d ever seen him more still or tranquil than when he was sitting under a clear night sky and just…looking up.”

The way Rhodey had said it, like he was truly and deeply saddened that his friend had lost that comfort, had made something deep in Steve ache for the engineer. He’d spent that evening tossing and turning, trying to picture Tony as Rhodey had described. It was difficult to imagine that of a man who seemed in constant motion and who could only be described as eccentric on his best days, but he tried anyway.

The image he managed to conjure in his mind was beautiful and only served to deepen the ache he felt, because he, too, now, was resentful that Tony’s reward for his valiant altruism had been to not only lose something that had seemingly brought him such peace of mind, but to have it be turned on him in such a cruel way.

And Steve, being Steve, couldn’t allow that to continue. So he’d gotten to work, pushed through his tech-illiteracy, and spent every spare moment he had away from Avenging and from SHIELD – and that he wasn’t spending with Tony – researching. He hadn’t gotten very far until one particularly frustrating evening, a window popped up on his tablet. Which was odd since Tony’s adware removal program was legendary – he’d had almost every major tech conglomerate practically panting after him for it for years – but upon reading it and realizing it was exactly what he was looking for, he had a sneaking suspicion that was proven true when JARVIS crooned from above, “Best of luck to you, Captain.”

And so he’d gotten to planning. He’d waffled between doing something big and extravagant or something small and intimate, needing it to be perfect but not at all knowing how Tony – or rather Tony’s psyche – would react to either.

Steve knew he was walking a precarious line. On one hand, he could be helping Tony to take a positive step in a direction to help him recover a lost comfort. But on the other, he could just be sending Tony deeper into his paranoia and adding yet another string of psychological scars to Tony’s already heartbreakingly notable collection.

No pressure.

“‘Just a bit further,’ he says,” Tony mutters, his hands tightening around Steve’s as he steps on a bit of uneven ground. “What, the five hour drive and hour long walk wasn’t enough already?”

Steve barely managed to bite back a sigh but made up for it in the intensity of an unseen eye-roll. “The drive was barely over two hours, Tony. And we’ve only been walking for ten minutes.”

“Yeah, well when you can’t see any of the view and the company won’t say anything about anything, it makes the time feel double. Scientific fact.”

“Is it, now?” Steve said with a fond smile as he looked behind him to gauge how much further he needed to guide Tony to the spot he’d pre-designated. He was relieved to see the blanket and basket already set up exactly as he’d asked the owner of the nearby facility to do so only a few more yards away.

A nerve-wracking tightness coiled in his chest with each new step, and a small part of him began to consider turning Tony around and frog-marching him back to the car under the guise that this had all been some practical joke to massively waste his time—

He gave his head a good shake for that. No. He’d come this far, he was not backing out now. For better or worse, this was happening. Tony deserved to at least be given the chance to fight to gain a little piece of himself back, and Steve was determined to help him through every swing.

“Okay, just a few more steps now.”

Steve led Tony till they reached the edge of the blanket, squeezing Tony’s hands to indicate they’d arrived.

“This is it?”

Steve took a moment before he answered to look at Tony’s face, how he looked now, blissfully unaware of where he was or what he was about to see. God, he hoped this wasn’t a horrible decision.

Nonetheless, he took a breath and bit his lip as he nodded resolutely. Then remembered that Tony couldn’t see it. “Yes. We’re here.”

“Finally.” Tony’s hands wasted no time in sliding from Steve’s and going right for the blindfold.

Steve felt a sudden rush of panic and before he knew it, his hands were around Tony’s wrists. “Wait!”

Steve knew that if Tony could, he’d have been blinking up at him in confusion. For now, all Tony could do was furrow his brow under the fabric. “Why?”

That was a very good question. One Steve scrambled to find an answer for. “I…Just, let me say something first?”

Tony tilted his head for a moment before agreeing. “Okay.”

Steve’s grip loosened – only then even realizing he’d grabbed him so tightly – and rubbed his thumbs along Tony’s pulse points apologetically. “You remember what I said a little bit ago? When I said I’d never let you fall?”

“Yes,” Tony answered with no small amount of hesitance. Not exactly the feel Steve had been going for, but he was hoping his next words would help.

“I need you to know that that’s true. Every word.”

Tony’s lip curled slightly in the corner with a light scoff. “Steve—”

But he just continued on, needing Tony to hear this and believe it unconditionally. “Just listen. Please. I need you to trust me and know that I will always be here for you, and I will never, ever let you fall. Alright?”

But Tony’s smirk only grew into an incredulous smile. “Honey, you’re talking like I don’t know all this already. I trust you. You know I do.” His smile wavered slightly, though Steve could see he tried to hold it still. “At least I thought you did.”

Steve was struck speechless for a moment, something akin to pride and absolute adoration blooming deep within his chest. It had taken months and no small amount of effort to get Tony past that crippling sense of I’m-not-worthy-of-you. It never failed to leave Steve heartsick each time he saw it pass through Tony’s eyes, like he was fully expecting, even waiting for, the moment Steve realized what a fuck up Tony was and just deciding he wasn’t worth the effort. Each time Tony had tried to pull away, it had only made Steve hold onto him tighter, refusing to let that be what tore them apart. Steve would make it his personal mission to love Tony all the more, put his everything into it to show Tony that there was nothing more worth fighting for than what they had and that he would never turn his back on it for anything, until even Tony couldn’t argue against it.

Those moments came fewer and farther between the longer they were together. That look still made an appearance time and again but Steve knew how to take care of it.

And now, hearing the fruits of his labors put in so many words, that Tony trusted him enough to not even let it be a question anymore, made Steve want to pull him in and kiss every syllable as they slipped from Tony’s lips. He only hoped he wasn’t testing that new founded unequivocal trust beyond its limits with what he was about to do.

But he just put on a smile if only because he knew Tony would hear it as Steve brought one of his hands toward him to press a kiss on his palm. “I do know. And I trust you to know that everything I do is because I love you.”

“I love you, too, but what is this about? You’re freaking me out a little, here.”

Steve brought both of the the other’s hands to rest on his shoulders and leaned in to press his lips to Tony’s. He’d meant it to be simple kiss, a kind of distraction as he reached up to remove the blindfold, but once it was off, Tony’s arms snaked further around Steve’s neck to pull him in and kiss him harder, deeper, wasting no time in pressing his tongue into Steve’s mouth and kissing the very breath from him.

Steve couldn’t resist wrapping his own arms around Tony to pull them flush together, feeling Tony against the entire front of his body from chest to knees. He was warm despite the chill in the air. Just one of the long list of things Steve loved about him and made him grip Tony all the tighter, trying to burrow his way under his skin.

It was Tony who pulled away first, winded but with a satisfied smile cut across his face, before he finally opened his eyes. It took a few moments of rapid blinking for his eyes to adjust after having the blindfold on for so long, but once Tony’s eyes settled on Steve’s face, his smile widened and Steve didn’t bother holding back his own in response.

They stood breathing each other’s air, Steve basking in the feeling of Tony’s fingers carding through the hair at the back of his neck absentmindedly, when he felt more than saw Tony’s lips move to form a comment.

But something caught Tony’s eye before the words ever came to fruition.

Steve watched as Tony’s gaze darted to something just behind the soldier. He waited with baited breath, willing his arms not to tighten further around Tony’s frame in anticipation of the worst reaction his mind had conjured up during his sleepless night before. He watched the smile slowly slide from Tony’s lips, a stone of dread dropping heavily in his stomach.

Tony leaned away but didn’t let go, and Steve was grateful, despite the loss of heat. Steve carefully watched the expressions crossing Tony’s face, ready to jump in at the first sign of panic. He’d prepared for this, readied himself for how much it was going to break him to see Tony in such distress.

But that wasn’t at all what he was seeing now.

Steve was….he wasn’t even sure. Dumbstruck came to mind, but it somehow didn’t seem quite enough.

He’d been expecting panic, fear, a healthy dose of betrayal, had plans of action ready to enact for any combination of these. Now….

Now all his mind seemed able to focus on was how beautiful Tony looked like this. He still had yet to look away from the illuminated spectacle above them. And it was a spectacle. Steve had made a trip to this spot once before to speak with the manager of the nearby observatory, and it had been just as stunning then, too, a dark mantle sweeping across the sky, studded with pulsing diamonds.

But it wasn’t enough to tear Steve’s gaze from Tony’s face or the look in his eyes. Peaceful. Quiet. A little sad, but nostalgic.

Steve’s fingers twitched. He’d packed his sketch pad and a few pencils because he knew Tony liked to watch him create and he’d thought it might serve as a nice distraction if needed. They were in the basket just there on the blanket only a few feet away. He needed to get to them, preserve this memory, document it, keep it safe. So many things had faded from his memory already. He couldn’t allow this to be another.

It had only been a moment. Steve’s eye line strayed down to look at the basket at his feet, planning a way to discreetly retrieve the tools needed to conserve the exact expression on Tony’s face, how the curves and lines had never seemed quite so soft, and thinking of how best to capture such elegance with the few pencils he’d brought. He’d only looked away for a moment. But it was the wrong moment.

When Steve thinks back on this evening, he will be forever amazed to think that all it took – from removing the blindfold and kissing Tony, holding him in his arms, to now – had happened in the span of mere seconds. Seconds, apparently, were all they would be allowed before this beautiful moment was all so painfully shattered.


	2. And If You Do, I'll Always Catch You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has a flashback/panic-attack when faced with one of his biggest paranoias.  
> Steve helps to bring him back down and show Tony that he'll always be right there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer than I thought it would to get up.
> 
> Between getting the flu, then having it turn into bronchitis, then having work go absolutely bonkers...life decided to pile it on just then, I guess.
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter. The second half of this chapter is not beta-ed, so I would love some comments on your thoughts of the chapter.
> 
> In the end notes, you can find which movie the quotes are from....though I'm sure you'll recognize them anyway XD
> 
> Enjoy!

_“Look.”_

He was. He was looking.

_“Look up, mimmo.”_

He couldn’t take his eyes away. How could he?

_“Aren’t they beautiful?”_

Yes...yes, they are. But not as beautiful as her. Nothing was as--

A jolt traveled through his every nerve, sending his body into a single convulsing twitch that left him stiff and rigid.

A portal...darkness……..alone…..

“Tony?”

So many little dancing lights, little speckles of white on a silky-black canvas. Breathtaking. Deadly.

“Okay...okay. I need you to breathe, alright? Tony?”

_“So many stories to tell us.”_

So many….so….Why are there so many? Too many, they were surrounding him, trapping him, encasing him...imprisoning him in heat and fire and beauty and fear and...so, so many….far too many...

A plume of fire...an explosion…

Destruction and wrath, silent in the vacuum of space and….

He couldn’t breathe….why...oh god, why couldn’t he breathe?

“Tony! Look at me! Can you hear me?”

_“Tales of woe…”_

No…no, not…Obie…

A painful jolt spread through his limbs as the fear grew and the air around him danced just out of reach...

Oh, Obie, please...not you….don’t do this….

**“Breathe….easy, easy…”**

Another convulsive twitch that ended in a punching exhale and no corresponding inhale. His eyes slammed closed but that just made it worse.

“Baby, I’m right here. You’re safe! I swear!”

_“...of caution...”_

**“You know that’s a one-way trip.”**  


**“Sir, shall I try Ms. Potts?”**

Pepper…...beautiful Pepper...

He wanted to talk to her. Hear her voice. She always made him feel better. She could make this better. Pepper, please…

**“Tony!”**

But she’s not there. She’s not here. She can’t help….

He’s falling….why is he falling? No...no not again. Please not again…can’t…….

“Whoa, hey. I got you. I got you. I’ll always catch you, right?”

No. Stop. It’s too tight. Too tight. He can’t breathe. It hurts, his chest hurts, his throat hurts but he couldn’t feel anything else. Everything was numb, so why the hell did it all hurt so much?

**“You had one last golden egg to give.”**

Fear careens into panic. Anguish. Terror...

His hand went to his chest but couldn’t feel anything, his fingers numb and aching and malfunctioning and…..where was it? It has to be there. He needs it. Where is it?!

There was another hand.

“It’s here. Right here. It’s still there, I swear. See?”

_“...of love....”_

NO!

He pushed away. He needed to get away. This was not love. Love doesn’t steal. Doesn’t torture. Doesn’t kill….or maybe it does but this…not this...

He had to get away.

He had to get away! 

“Tony, please just...Just let me...I won’t let anything happen to it or to you. You know that. You know that! You’re safe, sweetheart.”

“LET GO!” a voice screamed and he was immediately released and nearly fell all the way…..all the way down…..falling….he was falling….

“Tony, wait!”

His footing stumbled under him when he stepped away, one hand still gripping his chest which still burned, everything still hurt, still didn’t feel right.

“Tony!”

**“You know that’s a one-way trip.”**

“Tony, please! Just look at me, I’m right here! Let me help you!”

**“Oh Tony….this is your ninth symphony.”**

“No...stop it….stop! Please...Obie!”

**“Sir...shall I try Ms. Potts?”**

He felt the weight of the missile just over his shoulder, carrying it through the very city he was trying to save.

He heard the others crying out as they fought, as they were hit, as they struggled, as they tried not to die.

He had to do it. He had to save them. He had to die to save them.

He had to die….

So many beautiful lights…why was it so dark?

**“...one-way trip.”**

_“One day, Anthony...”_

A shock of pain through his knees. No air. His chest hurt…

_“One day, I will take you somewhere.”_

Heart...his heart was….no, please…..please just stop…..make it stop...

_“Somewhere far from here.”_

The lights are fading…..

Jarvis…..Jarvis, please...please don’t go….

_“Somewhere we can see every star.”_

Quiet….there’s nothing…..no lights...no beating….no air….

_“And I will tell you every story.”_

Help me…

_“Would you like that, mimmo?”_

HELP ME!

**“TONY!”**

Tony jerked back to awareness, a scream on his lips and the sound of the Hulk’s roar still reverberating through his skull. His lips were wide open and gasping in….

_….smoke…fire…paintquietdeathfear--_

No….dust...dirt?

“Hey….you….are you back with me? Can you hear me?”

Steve….Steve...Steve’s here. He...safe...Steve’s here. He’s safe.

“Please talk to me. Tell me you’re okay.”

 _Steve…_..he sounded so far away. He had to find Steve. Had to...to make sure that he…

He made it out alive, right? Steve...Steve had made it. He had to find Steve.

His whole body trembled, his breath coming even faster still, at the thought of trying to move. He didn’t want to open his eyes, he didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to feel--

“Tony...please…”

One hand that had been cupped around his ears - not far away, then...muffled - slid off and moved very slowly outward. He felt himself shaking, fingers trembling and jerky in their movement, as his hand hovered--

_Spacefloatingfallingdying…._

His hand made contact and immediately gripped closed around cloth, metal barbs biting into his palm - a zipper….a jacket? - and held on.

“Hey,” Steve exclaimed around the shuffling of fabric, the jacket in Tony’s hand shifting but never slipping loose as Steve changed positions. “I’m here, Tony. I’m right here. Can you hear me?”

 _Safe…_.he was safe if Steve was here. Of course he was.

His whole body gave another trembling shudder as a biting wind blew past.

“Oh...jeez, you must be freezing. Umm...you threw off your jacket before...I...I’ll get it.”

Tony felt the fabric in his hands pull away. A high-pitched sound erupted from the back of his throat as his grip on Steve’s jacket tightened into a painful hold. The grass beside him rustled as Steve returned to his position.

“Hey, okay. It’s okay. I’m right here, Tony. I swear I’ll stay right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Tony’s hold didn’t let up, too afraid it would be ripped from him again if he did.

Neither said anything more for several long minutes, silent save for Tony’s still gasping breaths.

Tony silently counted every inhale, measuring each one carefully and exactly - _“...three , four, five. Good, now out….seven, eight, nine, ten. Excellent,” Bruce smiles_ \- just as he’d been instructed. He recited equations in his head, theories and algorithms of projects he’d finished and ones that were still in progress. He counted out every inch of the Iron Man suit, recalling every dimension with perfect accuracy. Imagined himself in his workshop, surrounded by his bots, and his machines, and his Jarvis, and his holograms - his own little safety net.

His breath slowly returned back to a normal rhythm, the numbness having steadily leaked out of him only to be replaced with a stiff ache which was, in all honesty, much more familiar. He began to take stock of his every limb, starting with slipping his fingers through his shirt between two buttons, running the fingers of his free hand along the cool steel and pleasantly warm glass of the rector. After a moment of feeling the almost non-existent but no-less reassuring humming vibration of the machine at work - _at work, fully functional, no malfunctions_ \- the rest came much easier.

His knees, a dull ache throbbing through them both like he’s been roundhoused with a two-by-four, were tucked under him, pressed firmly to his chest.

It was then, when the fog lifted just enough for his mind to process the smell and taste of grass and dirt, that he realized he was lying in the fetal position, face down...in a field? What the fuck... 

Another gust of wind breezed past and it only reminded him of how under-clothed he was. Where was his jacket? He could have sworn he’d been wearing one. Steve had said something about him throwing off his jacket. Stupid.

He must have shivered because only seconds later, the jacket he still had in his vice grip shifted again. Panic made another annoying comeback at having it taken from him but it dissipated once he realized it wasn’t being taken, rather it was twisted before he was suddenly engulfed in its sheltering warmth. He wasted no time in pulling the jacket up and over his head until he felt buried in it.

Only then was he was able to take a deep lungful breath, unencumbered by panic and fear and terror, surrounded in Steve’s smell and warmth. He finally felt safe again.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony opened his eyes at that. He couldn’t see past the darkness that the jacket provided him, which he was perfectly fine with, but he was surprised enough that he did anyway.

“I’m so sorry, Tony. I never should have brought you out here. I never meant to…”

Steve went quiet, then there was a sigh. Careful fingers slowly dug their way under the jacket, not actually lifting the sides but just enough for the digits to slide under and touch the side of Tony’s hand as they gave a comforting slide back and forth across skin.

“You have to know that I never meant to hurt you. I just….I was trying to help.”

Tony processed the words carefully, making sure he understood them correctly with his still somewhat muddled-over mind, before finally asking, “How exactly did you think this would be helpful?”

Steve’s fingers on Tony’s hand twitched and Tony could picture the matching wince on Steve’s face.

“Rhodes, he--”

“Rhodey put you up to this?” Tony asked, nearly tossing off the jacket in his surprise before remembering what was on the other side of it and tightened his grip, pulling it all the closer as he focused on keeping his breath in it’s newly acquired normal rhythm.

How could his best friend do that to him? He’d seen first hand how much he’d been affected by “The Incident” - as people seemed in favor of calling it, like not calling it what is was, a fucking alien invasion, was going to make it seem any less horrible.

“No, no. Not exactly. More like...he planted the idea in my head?”

Tony wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Rhodey was not exactly known for being subtle, especially when it came to Tony, and most especially when it came to Tony’s well-being. He was more the ‘Everyone and your kid-gloves, stand back while I pick up this useless idiot and shove food down his goddamn throat before locking him in his room. Jarvis, don’t you dare let him out until he’s slept for at least a day,’ type, a sentiment which Steve seemed to have adopted even before they’d started dating; though after they did, Steve hadn’t needed Jarvis’s help to ensure Tony stayed in bed.

Tony was saved from coming up with a response when Steve continued with his explanation. “Rhodey told me one night about how you used to like looking at the stars. Before the whole _….thing_ happened. He said he’d find you sometimes looking up at them and it was like...like you were so calm. Comforted by them. And it killed me to know that that comfort had been taken from you. Especially as a consequence of you nearly sacrificing yourself to save millions of lives. It isn’t right.”

Tony felt a wave of shocked affection wash through him. He had no idea that Rhodey had ever picked up on that, or that he’d ever even seen him watching. And then that he’d told Steve, who in turn was trying to help him retrieve this thing he’d lost without even understanding what it meant to him. He couldn't help but feel...so, so loved.

His chest began to ache again, this time with a much more welcome tenderness, though no less poignant. 

“I just wanted to get that back for you,” Steve went on, completely unaware of what he was evoking within the man beside him. “I wanted to help you, and I thought that…”

Tony watched as Steve’s fingers fell away from his.

“I thought that if I was with you, if I was the one who exposed you to it again, that you would feel safe enough to let me help you through it. But I guess--”

Tony couldn’t stand the matching defeated tone to Steve’s words. Steve should never sound like that, especially when he was insinuating that Tony could ever feel anything less than unequivocally safe with him, which was just so very far from the truth.

Tony released his grip on the jacket with one hand and took up Steve’s retreating one, pulling it under the covering with him and holding it close to his chest in a loose embrace, letting Steve touch the reactor through his shirt, the strongest display of trust that he was capable of.

“I do feel safe with you. That’s not what….” Not at all sure how he could explain, he took a moment to regroup and pulled Steve’s hand up to lay an apologetic kiss to his fingers. “But this...it’s….”

Steve’s fingers moved in a caress along his cheek, letting Tony’s beard lightly scratch at the backs of his knuckles.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything. Not now. Or ever, if you don’t want. We can...we can just go home. Get you warm and….we could watch a movie. Or I could read you a book, or anything you want. Okay?”

_Failure._

He could hear it in Steve’s tone, that he thought he’d failed Tony tonight. Or worse that he’d actively hurt him. It shredded Tony’s heart into tiny, miniscule pieces hearing Steve this way, and to make it worse he knew Steve well enough to know that he was going to drown himself in his own guilt if Tony didn’t do something right now.

He felt Steve try to stand and Tony did the only thing he could think of to keep this night from ending like this. He took Steve’s hand in a firm grip and pulled until Steve was seated again, and then further still until he was on his back, which was when Tony proceeded to place himself in his favorite cuddling position with his head resting on Steve’s chest, ear just over his heart so he could hear the strong pumping rhythm deep within - all while managing to keep Steve’s jacket pulled over his head.

He could feel Steve’s confusion in the hesitant way he brought his arms around Tony in his usual hold, but once they were there, Steve held Tony tight against his body, one big hand cupping Tony’s head through his jacket.

They laid there silently, just feeling each other and sharing warmth between them. Tony took a long breath, letting the familiar smell of Steve seep into him, settling whatever residual unease was left over, replacing it with something rounder, something more substantial and consequential. Something he could hold onto and feel grounded.

He’d never understand how Steve did that. Pepper had always had her own way of pacifying him, bringing him from a heightened sense of agitation and bringing it down to a manageable level so he could think and work, but it always just built right back up far sooner than either of them would have liked.

Steve, nearly every time, was able to bring him down to that level but then somehow managed to keep him there. And not only keep him there, but help him let go of all the things trying to drag him back up again.

Pepper was his anchor.

Steve was his liberator.

“I never really cared much for stargazing.”

The words were out of his mouth before he’d even realized he’d spoken.

There was a pregnant pause as Tony swallowed heavily past the growing tightness in his throat, hoping he’d be able to say now what he’d never been able to say to anyone else before.

“But my mother did.”

Tony hadn’t even noticed that Steve had been rolling his thumb over his back until it suddenly stopped. Steve’s arms coiled tighter around him, his usual reflex whenever Tony spoke about his parents, as though he alone could protect him from the memories. Some days, Tony almost believed he could.

“She…We didn’t spend much time together, but if Jarvis was ever out sick or it was a particularly clear night...”

At the catch in Tony’s voice, Steve pulled his face into the small portion of the top of Tony’s head that wasn’t smothered in his jacket, pressing a kiss into his hair.

_Safe._

Tony took a shaky inhale and continued. “She’d take me outside and show me the constellations, tell me the myths and stories from all over the world. So, on clear nights when I can actually see them in the city…it’s….I can hear her voice again.”

Tony felt the blush immediately splash across his cheeks and buried his face in Steve’s chest, even though the jacket was still hiding him plenty enough.

“Jesus, that sounds so stupid out loud.”

“No, Tony,” Steve insisted fiercely, his heart breaking for the man in his arms. He had vivid memories of his own mother reading him bedtime stories, then just sitting up and talking with him when he was older. Of going out to see parades and to the carnival if he was feeling strong enough. He always felt a little guilty whenever he spoke about his mother with Tony, knowing the engineer didn’t have much to trade back with. But hearing that now, it both eased that gnawing sense of pity that Tony hadn’t had that kind of childhood, as well as dug the pain in a little deeper knowing that he actually did have a few nice memories mashed somewhere in between all the bad, but they were so rare and personal that he hadn’t been willing to share any of it with anyone until after it had been ripped away from him.

He closed his eyes and tried to picture a young Tony sitting in his mother’s lap, both looking up into the night sky, a tiny hand held up high pointing to the myriad of designs above him, his eyes brilliantly bright with a boundless curiosity as quiet but precious words were shared between them.

He pressed another kiss into Tony’s hair. “It sounds like a lovely memory.”

“Yeah….I guess it is.”

Another silence fell over them.

Steve eventually let his head fall back to rest in the grass, his hand not cradling Tony’s head falling back into its rhythm of gently rubbing circles into his back.

“I read a book on constellations.”

Tony lifted his face from its buried position with a newfound interest. “You did?”

Steve hummed in affirmation. “Once, when I was sick. I don’t know if I can remember them all, it’s been so long, but...um, I think I remember one about Perseus. Didn’t he….yeah, he used Medusa’s head to kill the sea monster and rescue….oh what was her name … An … An-something?”

Steve felt Tony smile against him. His fingers distractedly began to draw out a pattern along Steve’s clavicle. “The man who slayed the beast and saved the beautiful maiden, Andromeda,” Tony iterated with something of an epic tone in his voice. “Yeah, Mom liked that one.” There was a moment of silence before he added, “You know the whole reason Andromeda was even strung up for Cetus to eat was because Cassiopeia, her mother, was too vain. And with the sacrifice of her daughter unfulfilled, Cassiopeia’s punishment was to be hung upside-down in the stars. Apparently a very unflattering position.”

Steve was quiet before he huffed out a breath of laughter. “Well damn. The gods didn’t screw around back then, did they?”

Tony couldn’t hold back his smile. “No, they did not. And certainly not the Greeks. They had no qualms with striking down us mortals. Do you know the story of Orion?”

“I know Orion’s belt but…” He left the rest of that sentence hanging, feeling the strokes of Tony’s fingers shift to start forming a new design, sparking a thought that maybe Tony was tracing the constellation designs from memory.

“That’s the one. He was a great hunter. Artemis--”

“Goddess of the hunt,” Steve supplied quickly, followed by a sheepish squeeze to Tony, “I um...I know that one.”

Tony, fully amused and thoroughly charmed, shook his head endearingly and continued. “Yes, that Artemis. She was impressed with his skill and would tell stories to the other gods about him. Orion, male that he was, wanted to further impress Artemis so he went out and killed every animal he could find and laid them at her door step.”

Steve hissed through a grimace. “I assume that didn’t go over well.”

“Not even a little. Artemis is also, ironically, the protector of animals and she didn’t like when hunters killed more than they needed, so of course his ‘gift’ for her was not well received. She summoned a scorpion from the ground to sting and kill Orion painfully and slowly. Zeus stepped in and placed both Orion and the scorpion, which you know as Scorpio, at opposite ends of the sky to prevent further conflict, but also as a warning to all hunters.”

Steve hummed as they once again fell into silence, his eyes scanning the stars above him. There were so many now above him that he wasn't sure he could point out the three stars he knew to be Orion’s belt but he looked anyway, trying to follow the designs Tony was tracing into his chest.

He loved hearing Tony speak like this. Most of the time Tony went on some triade, it was about some crazy night in college, or a party that ended not at all flatteringly, or even about some project he was working on and lord knew Steve couldn’t follow any of the common day slang or technobabble if his life depended on it.

Tony rarely spoke so candidly, even less so about anything to do with his family, and Steve desperately wanted it to continue. But he also knew that Tony would only talk as long as he was willing and not a second more. Pushing would get him nowhere fast.

On the other hand, Tony hated when people pussy-footed around his issues. He’d much rather deal with others’ confrontations head on instead of them walking on eggshells around him like they were afraid he would break at the smallest mention of it. So Steve decided to take his chances, hoping he wasn’t about to send Tony’s walls firmly back into place.

“Can you tell me another one?”

Tony’s fingers stilled. It had been a while since he’d even allowed himself to recall any of the stories at all, much less well enough to retell them. It had always been a painful endeavor to remember his mother’s voice reiterating the same words he’d heard a thousand times and would still give anything to hear her say again.

He thought for a moment, recalling one story in particular he remembered having a bit more of an impact on him. He closed his eyes, letting the memory and the words wash over him, a dull ache starting in his chest.

_“Sit here, Anthony. There you are, dear. We’re very lucky. There are many wonderful stories in the stars tonight. Where to begin…Hmm...Ah, of course. Look there. Do you see that line of stars, then another there? See how they spread like a bird? There have been quite a few stories made about that constellation in particular. But there’s one that is very beautiful, and I think you’ll like it. Are you ready, mimmo? You’re warm enough?_

_“Phaeton was a young man who had been been told one day by his mother that his father was the sun-god, Apollo. Phaeton doubted this and so was instructed by his mother to visit Apollo himself to hear it from his lips. Phaeton traveled to see Apollo who assured him that he was in fact the son of a god. Phaeton, however, wanted proof. Apollo swore that he would grant his son anything he desired to prove his divine sonship. Phaeton demanded to control his father's sun-chariot for a day. Apollo tried to warn him that not not even Zeus himself dared to ride the fiery chariot, but Phaeton insisted._

_“The following day, Apollo granted his wish and passed off the reigns to his son. Phaeton went straight to see his friend, Cygnus, and challenged him to a race. Cygnus could not resist and without a thought, they went racing through the skies._

_“Unfortunately, as Apollo had tried to warn him, Phaeton was not able to keep control of the chariot. The horses veered from their course and traveled too close to the Earth, scorching its surface, burning the crops, drying up rivers and lakes, even shrinking the very ocean._

_“The people of Earth called out for help and Zeus was given no choice but to strike Phaeton from the sky who fell to the Earth like a falling star._

_“Cygnus searched for his friend only to find him trapped at the bottom of the Eridanus River. He dove into the river repeatedly, hoping to retrieve his friend’s body, but alas, the river current was far too strong._

_“Wrought with grief, Cygnus begged the gods for help. They replied that if they gave Cygnus the body of a swan, he would be able to dive deep enough to retrieve his friend’s body. But in so doing, Cygnus would be giving up his immortality and would only live the swan’s lifespan. Nonetheless, Cygnus readily agreed to their terms if it meant his dear friend could be given a proper burial and his spirit sent to the afterlife._

_“To honor this great and selfless act. Zeus placed Cygnus’s swan image into the night sky to be forever remembered by generations to come.”_

“Wow,” Steve intoned quietly after a bit of silence, almost afraid to break the moment. “That’s incredible.”

Tony opened his eyes. “What?”

“That story. I mean it’s sad but...it’s sweet, too.”

Tony’s brow furrowed. He hadn’t….Unless….

It was only then he even realized he’d spoken his mother’s words along with her as the memory had played out in his mind’s eye.

The warm ache in his chest grew and he felt his jaw tense with an emotion he hadn’t let himself feel in a long time. He suddenly felt so much closer to his mother than he ever remembered being. They had never had too much in common. But they’d had this. And it had been enough for as long as they’d had it.

Tony settled further into Steve’s warmth as he let it all settle over him, the quiet sounds of the crickets carried over the still brisk but no longer biting breeze. And of course the steady, reliable ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum that often lulled him to sleep without fail.

Steve smiled as he felt the very last of the tenseness release from Tony’s shoulders with a contented sigh that made Steve happier than he’d feared would be at all possible tonight. Really, he should just be used to Tony surprising him by now.

Steve used the quiet to again glance over the stars, trying to see what Tony saw when he had looked before for that brief moment when his face had seen wonder and beauty before it was overshadowed by the pain and the fear. All the stories and history and memories and--

“Do you um…” Tony cleared his throat before he continued, “Do you know the story of Persephone?”

Steve was pulled from his wonderings to look back down to his jacket-covered boyfriend draped over his chest. “Persephone?”

“Yeah. She was a daughter of Zeus and Demeter, kidnapped by Hades. It was a whole thing.”

Steve felt Tony picking at his shirt and could almost see the forced ‘I mean if you want, doesn’t matter to me either way, whatever’ expression he adopted when he was about to reveal or do something but didn’t want to let anyone know how much it meant to him or how vulnerable it made him feel. It ached that Tony felt he needed to be defensive about this around him, but at the same time made Steve feel honored that Tony was trying to open up something that he had kept very close to himself and include Steve in it.

“No, I don’t think I do. But it sounds like a great story.”

If Steve hadn’t known Tony as well as he did, he wouldn’t have understood the slight shift in him as the relieved sigh that it was. “Well, that will all depend on whose side you’re on.”

And with that, Tony told him the story of Hades kidnapping Persephone, and Demeter freezing over the mortal world in demand of her daughter back. Of Zeus having to bargain with them both for a peace that would leave the humans cold and cropless for only the three months of the year that Persephone would be required to be with Hades, hence the winter season.

But he didn’t stop there. Tony spun tales of all kinds, and Steve listened intently, so invested in every story that he couldn't stop himself from responding along to the characters’ wiles: The five Indian princes who traveled to find heaven – he hummed happily when the eldest Indian prince kept fiercely loyal to his canine companion, his devotion allowing them both entrance into heaven and the canine a place in the stars; One of Juno’s lovers being turned into a bear out of jealousy - he took a fearful inhale and gripped Tony tighter when the all too able hunter, Arcas, took aim at the bear he hadn’t known had once been his mother, only for Juno to turn the son into a bear as well so they may be together again as mother and son in the skies; Aries the ram who was sent by the goddess Hermes to rescue a young prince and princess whose step-mother was less than kind to them - he sighed sadly the princess, Helle, lost her grip and fell to her death, the people naming the body of water in which she landed Hellespont in her honor and the gods aligning stars in the doughty ram’s form. The outrageously bizarre tale of Zeus’s origin story consisting of his father, Cronus, hearing of a prophecy that his sons would overthrow him, so he swallowed them all whole save for Zeus whose mother had stolen him away to protect him – he was still laughing, even after Tony had told the part of when Cronus had later regurgitated them all back up again when Zeus poisoned him and fought his father alongside his brothers, overthrowing him and fulfilling the prophecy.

Steve had to wait for his chuckling to die down before he could get out a full question. “How...I mean…He just _swallowed them_?”

“That’s the part that confuses you?” Tony asked incredulously. “Not him throwing them back up again? Years later, and all still miraculously whole, by the way.”

“Well yeah, that too, it’s just...I mean I get that they’re gods and all, but so’s Thor, and granted he eats enough to feed a small army, but I highly doubt he could swallow a baby whole.”

“As if that big squishy teddy bear would ever so much as steal candy from a baby, much less eat it,” Tony chuckled and nuzzled his nose across Steve’s chest. “Anyway, needless to say, that was hardly Mom’s favorite story. Too much gore, not enough feels. I think the only reason she even told it was because she knew I’d get a kick out of it.”

The irony that Maria Stark knew her little boy would enjoy a tale of a father being bested by his son was not lost on Steve, and he was certain that it hadn’t escaped Tony’s notice, either, but if Tony was going to leave it at that, then so was Steve.

What Steve couldn’t bring himself to ignore was something that Tony had left wide open and Steve was not about to let this gnawing question go unanswered.

“So which one was your favorite?”

Tony smirked resignedly. He couldn’t say he was surprised at the question. He’d pretty much walked right into it and he’d known it the moment the words were out of his mouth. It was something he hadn’t really given much thought to. Each story meant something to him, each one having painfully carved out its own special little place in his memory. Trying to pick a favorite would be like picking a favorite between Rhodey and Pepper. Not at all something he would be even remotely capable of.

And yet without any thought on his part, there was one story that stood out above all the others. One that he remembered with a particular fondness that ran so deep, it was the one story he had never been able to bring himself to recall in the few times he’d allowed himself to indulge in across the years, if only because no simple memory could ever have amounted to the real thing. It had always seemed wrong to even try to recreate it since nothing would ever be able to do it justice.

Of all the stories she’d told, this one had always held him captivated, no matter how old he was, no matter how many times he had heard it before. From the moment she started the story until even a while after they had been silently staring at the skies, basking in the shared closeness, she’d always held him just a little bit tighter, her voice taken on a wistful tone that had made Tony want to believe that magic and love were real. And her eyes would always be just a little bit brighter, a touch more alive than he had ever seen them before.

It was his favorite because it had been hers.

_“Qixi.”_

Steve started at the mumbled phrase he wasn’t even sure was English. “Sorry?”

Tony blinked, coming back out of his own mind at Steve’s question. “It’s from China,” Tony explained, trying to pass off his throat clearing as nothing more than a reaction from the late winter air. “Though you’d never know it by how the Japanese celebrate it.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s a sight to see. All the decorations, the...the lights.” He’d attended a festival some years back and it really had been beautiful with all the lanterns designed to look like the Milky Way was flowing through every side street. It truly was stunning.

“Sounds nice. What do they celebrate?”

“It’s a uh….it’s an old love story,” he said with a dismissive flick of his hand. “Star crossed lovers, tragic forbidden love, angry mother-in-laws. Every cliche in the book…” Tony stopped himself before he could utter another flippant remark. He was deflecting. His classic knee-jerk reaction when he was wandering into territory that made him feel unstable and he just needed to find some solid ground safely elsewhere. This deserved better. His mother’s memory and Steve both deserved better.

Tony sucked in a breath and released it, along with all of his reservations and defensiveness, and added with a softer tone, “...but it really is beautiful story.”

Tony could have - and did, if he was being honest with himself - fallen in love with Steve all over again for the non-committal hum he offered, leaving the decision to divulge any further completely in Tony’s hands, demanding nothing of him and patiently waiting for Tony to make up his mind on the matter.

God, what had he ever done to be gifted with a man like Steve Rogers?

Before he could talk himself out of it, Tony closed his eyes and went back into his memory, letting his mother’s voice come to life within him.

“There was a fairy princess who weaved the most beautifully colored clouds, pinks and golds and blues, more vibrant than any other could create. But she was restless and grew bored of her heavenly duties. So she stole down to Earth for a night in search of some fun. While there, she met a mortal cow herder, and they fell desperately in love. They were soon married and had two beautiful children. And they were happy.

“But love between celestials and mortals was forbidden, so when the princess’s mother, the goddess of all, heard of their union, she forced the princess to return to heaven.

“The cow herder went with his two children to find and bring back his beloved wife, but the goddess cut a wide river into the sky, what we know today as the Milky Way, forever separating them: the princess on one side sadly weaving away on her loom, and her husband caring for their children on the other.

“However, once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month, all the magpies in the world take pity on the lovers and form a bridge across the river so they may be together, if only for a single day.”

Tony hadn’t realized he’d been crying until he felt a thumb wipe a tear across his cheek. He looked up to see that Steve had pulled the jacket up high enough to cover the both of them so they could see each other for the first time since…

“You’re right,” Steve said with a solemn expression. “Every cliche in the book.”

Tony was silent for a moment before he burst out laughing in complete disbelief that that was the descriptor that Steve chose to emphasize, simply because he knew it would make Tony smile. He pulled himself up the few inches to press his smile against Steve’s, sharing the last laugh between them. “Pretty sure the story’s old enough to have been the very origin of the term ‘cliche’.”

Steve chuckled and pressed another kiss to Tony’s brow. “And you weren’t kidding when you called it tragic. It’s a beautiful story but...once a year? That’s terrible.”

“Mm. What’s worse is that the people pray for good weather on that day, because if it’s too cloudy or it rains, the magpies can’t find their way and the lovers have to wait another year to be together.”

Steve sighed and shook his head earnestly. “I couldn’t do it. I mean I would,” he added quickly, as though he was afraid of upsetting Tony with the hypothetical confession. “I absolutely would wait if it really was the only way to see you again, but...one year would be hard enough. Two? I’d lose my mind.”

“You wouldn’t be the only one.” Tony took the hand that had been caressing his cheek and held it in his own against Steve’s chest. It was another moment before his face lit up when an idea came to him. “We could go.”

Steve’s brow furrowed at the sudden exclamation. “What? You...you wanna leave?”

“No, not… We could go to Japan. For the festival. Or China, I haven’t seen that one. I mean I’ve been to China, but I haven’t been there during the _Qixi_ festival. Could be fun. We could pray for good weather. Help the princess and the cow herder be together again.” He pictured Steve in a kimono, light blue to go with his eyes and a dark blue obi. He knew from experience that they were a real pain to put on, but lord would it be fun to peel him out of it at the end of the day…

Steve smiled brightly. “I’d like to go. Seventh month so, July...if we tell Fury now, that’d be more than enough notice.”

“Well, let’s at least wait until we get back into the city. I am not ruining this moment with Fury’s pissed off stink-eyepatch.”

Steve shook his head and leaned in for another kiss. “Smart-ass.” When he pulled back, his smile grew as he pulled the jacket back just enough for only him to see the sky again. “Hey, you think you could tell me what the stars look like for... _Qixi_?” he asked, the oddly shaped syllables sounding much clunkier on his tongue than Tony’s elegant pronunciation.

For a moment, Tony went completely still several moments before he adamantly shook his head no. A heavy weight dropped hard in Steve’s stomach. _Oh please God, do not have let me just ruined this. Please please please…_

He brought the jacket back up so both their faces were covered again. “Hey, no it’s okay. I didn’t mean to...you don’t have to--”

“No, no. It’s…” Tony started, lifting his head to look up at Steve’s face and immediately felt guilty for the distressed set to his brow, rubbing at the space just above Steve’s heart in apology. “Altair and Vega, the stars for the cow herder and the princess, won’t be visible here this time of year.”

“Oh.” Steve’s muscles eased and he let go a breath of relief. “Okay”

Tony smiled and laid his head back against Steve chest, continuing to rub small circles there to help ease his still panicked heart rate, a thought churning over and over in his head. A thought that could be both dangerous and very, very bad. But the alternative could be so, _so_ good...

“But we should be able to see them as early as June. If you...You know, if you wanted to come back then.” Tony closed his eyes as his breath hitches in his throat. Shit, now his own heart felt like it was about to start beating out of his chest at the thought of seeing that sky again. Breathe. In...out….

But he was fighting it. Breathing deep, letting Steve’s warmth keep him grounded, reminding him that he was safe in these arms that had kept their promise to always catch him when he fell.

“I could…” He took another steadying breath. He could do this. For Steve, for his mother, he could do this. “I’ll show you then. If you want.”

Steve could only stare at Tony, who was obviously trying his best to hold back his anxiousness at the thought of doing this all over again, for several seconds before he felt a swell of pride and furious protectiveness and doubtless love grow in his chest until he was sure he’d burst from it.

Suddenly that thought he’d had of being used to Tony always surprising him seemed impossible and not at all desirable. He hoped he would never be used to it, if only because this feeling, right now, was so fulfilling and so Tony that he couldn't ever imagine his life without it.

With a smile so big it was a wonder his face didn’t split in two, Steve leaned down to press a kiss into Tony’s hair as he whispered, “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes from Movies  
> (giving credit where credit is due)
> 
> "Breathe...easy, easy..." - IM: Obie paralizing Tony to remove the arc reactor  
> "You know that's a one-way trip." - Avengers: Steve talking to Tony about going through the portal with the missile  
> "Sir...shall I try Ms. Potts?" - Avengers: Jarvis talking to Tony just before flyinig the missile into the portal  
> "Tony!" - IM: Pepper calling Tony's name after blowing up the reactor in Stark Tower  
> "You had one last golden egg to give." - IM: Obie taking out Tony's arc reactor  
> "Oh, Tony...this is your ninth symphony." - IM: Obie taking out Tony's arc reactor  
> "...the Hulk's roar still reverberating through his skull." - Avengers: reference to Hulk waking up Tony with a roar when he was unconscious after falling from the portal

**Author's Note:**

> The place mentioned here that Steve brings Tony to exists. It's called the Frosty Drew Observitory. Check out the pictures on Google. Stunning.
> 
> I had to look at light pollution maps in order to find it, which was kinda cool to see. Check it out to find a good star gazing spot near you!


End file.
